How to stop allowing external circumstances to dictate your life and live in a constant state of joy with the 4 stages of consciousness. By Jo Zammit - Story and Co

November 9, 2020

How to stop allowing external circumstances to dictate your life and live in a constant state of joy with the 4 stages of consciousness. By Jo Zammit


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I always saw myself as a resilient and positive person. I have always dealt with hardships and setbacks so well, with a grateful heart and positive outlook. Whether it was being in chronic pain for many years or losing my mum. I never fell into the victim mentality. Well, at least I didn’t think I did. It is true, I am positive and can see the silver lining in situations, even use the pain that I have endured to heal others. But there was one thing. That one lesson, that I just could not see the silver lining to. I couldn’t grasp that this was my Universal assignment until I did. I will be speaking often of my Universal assignment because it has been a soul lesson of mine for 35 years, but also for many of past lives too. I could never work it out, how could I allow other people’s opinion, reactions, indifferences or cruelty affect me so deeply. Pierce my heart. Create a heaviness over me for weeks. I was so good at “bouncing back”, I had done it so many times. But the pain of ‘other’ hurting me, or being mean to me, would crumble me. You see I started to create a pattern. I would dive straight into work to distract myself from the pain, from healing this deep-seated wound, until it would reveal itself again and again. The spiritual world says we keep on attracting what we need to heal. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I ALLOWED, others to wreck my children’s baptism, birthdays, births, the release of my book and so much more. It was never their fault, I needed to take responsibility once and for all for my reaction to situations. Once I did, once I truly opened my eyes, my heart, the healing started. The work isn’t easy, there has been a lot of tears and frustration but when you finally get to a place where ‘external’ (people, events, circumstances, illnesses, break ups, break downs, pandemics, – any hardship), you start to live in a state of joy and bliss, you hang out here a lot more often. 

Something that came to my awareness, was my husband’s reaction was very different to mine on certain occasions. He would let certain situations go right over him, water off a duck’s back so they say. But with me it would cripple me. I would do the usual coping strategies that I had put into place, tell people in my family and friends about the situation, seeking validation and direction from others, to try and ease my pain. But all that did was grow the pain and made me attract it even more. I couldn’t work out, why this hurt me so much and yet my husband didn’t allow it to hurt him. Then I started to notice, what other people would come to me, to help them with. I never allowed the Corona Virus or even my Endometriosis surgery get me down. I was so positive and allowed the process. People would always compliment me and say you are so strong, I don’t know how you do it. Or my determination and ambition. How I was able to write my book in a week, have 3 children under 3 and run an online business and still have a date night with my hubby. I am not saying this stuff, to toot my own horn, not at all, just showing the extremes of how I would let one single word, or even a look or a ‘lack of’ from others (even when I had abundance from others but allowing one negative person), cripple me, yet I was so allowing and accepting of other aspects of my life. I have done a lot of inner child healing and I have written more blogs on this, which you can access here. But what really shifted me was when I learnt about Dr Michael Beckwith’s 4 stages of consciousness. It was truly an eye-opener. It first gave me the awareness I needed, once you have awareness, you can start the journey to returning home to you. With anything I write or talk about, take what resonates with you and leave what doesn’t. 

Below I have explained the 4 stages with examples of how this may look in your life and I have provided some journal prompts to help you work through these stages. Finally, I have provided reference to how you can help your children along the way using My Happy Book (which you can purchase a copy here).


 This is the “victim” stage – life is happening to me (my life is this way because of this event, this is the situation, this person etc). This is where my relationship part of me used to reside. As soon as someone said something unkind, I ALLOWED it to affect me, life was happening to me, rather than taking responsibility for my reaction.

Common inner dialogue for stage 1 sector in life with journal prompts:

  • Health: I am overweight because it is genetic or I don’t have time to exercise or cook healthy meals
  • Finance: I have no money because my family didn’t leave me any money, I have no money because I can’t earn enough money, I don’t have the skills to earn enough money, others are given to them and never to me
  • Relationships: I have no friends because they aren’t nice to me or take me for granted, my husband doesn’t help around the house so we are always fighting, they did this to me (placing blame on other for how you feel)
  • Time management: I can’t have any time for me because the kids won’t allow me to, I am too busy, I have too much washing, I have no help
  • Spirituality: I have no time to meditate, my brain is too noisy and I can’t quiet it

Journal prompts:

  • What areas of your life might you be in stage 1?
  • Can you think of a time when you first ever enter this stage? (eg. as a child, what is your earliest memory of experiencing this?)
  • Do you feel you go in and out of this stage? If so, why do you think that is? 
  • What is something you need to work through and heal in order to move out of this stage? 

For kids: (from MY HAPPY BOOK)

  • Self-Affirmation pg. 27
  • Gratitude pg. 48
  • Rainbow after the storm pg. 69


Stage 2: “manifestation” – life is happening because of me. This is a very masculine stage, yet important one, this is when you have goals, you plan, you have intentions and manifestations, your results are because you created them. When I say ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’, this isn’t man or woman, both men and women have a masculine and feminine side, but both genders need to learn how to balance them. One isn’t better than the other, both are needed. At the moment, our world has a lot of masculine energy. The hasslers, making your dreams come true, which is where a lot of entrepreneurs sit in, and a lot of leaders. Whilst it is important to manifest, plan, and definately be co-creators of our life, it is important to balance this and understand where these motivations come from. Usually if this is ‘ego’ driven, when you get to your goals you still aren’t happy or fulfilled, or you always want to earn more money, nothing is ever enough. This is most likely because your intention for your goals, is from a place of ego or inner child pain rather than from your authentic self. Which is why this stage is really important but also can be such a beautiful stage when we are using it when we are in our authentic self. 

Common inner dialogue for stage 2 sector in life with journal prompts:

  • Health: I will lose 10kgs in 4 months, be a size X and weigh Xkgs. All great goals if the intentions are aligning with your true self, or if it is to people please, to get more attention or to feel worthy, you will still feel unworthy in the end. 
  • Relationships: I will meet my soulmate and have 2 children. Again, if it is to live a life of your true self, that will create abundance and love for you, but if it is to make you feel safe or whole, no one can do this for you, only you can.
  • Career: I want to land this job and earn X amount so I have made it, and people will take me seriously or see that I am smart enough or worthy enough. 

Journal prompts:

  • What areas of your life might you be in stage 2?
  • What areas of this resonate with you? 
  • What are your intentions behind your goals, plans and manifestations?
  • Are your manifestations linked with your true self?
  • Do you know what your true self desires? If not, how could you learn about you and returning to you?
  • How will you feel when you achieve this goal? Can you live with these feelings now? 
  • Are you open to new possibilities of getting to your goal?
  • Could you possibly let go and allow the future to work with you rather than controlling every aspect? If so, how have you done this in the past?

For kids: (from MY HAPPY BOOK)

  • My Goals pg. 29
  • My Strengths pg. 19
  • Ideas worth saving pg. 34
  • I want to discover more about pg. 36


Stage 3: life is happening through me. I am a vessel, I surrender, I go with the flow, this is a feminine stage (reminder: when I say mascualine and feminine – this is for both males and females – we both have two sides) our world is very masculine (not male) driven (the hussle, the world hard) etc, but when we fall into the surrender, the flow, life happens through us, you set out your intentions but then say THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER. You release control. This is such a beautiful and loving stage to be in and can promote so much joy, bliss and inner peace. 

Common inner dialogue for stage 3 sector in life with journal prompts:

  • Health: I want to be strong, I want my inner beauty to shine through to others, I want to protect and heal my body kingdom that is transporting my soul, I am open to learn new movements and foods to heal me
  • Relationships: I allow others to teach me, I am either the student or the teacher, the wrong-doings of others has nothing to do with me, what is revealed in a relationship isn’t my fault, however my reaction is my lesson on what I need to heal, I accept that not all relationships are meant to be and know something else is coming along which allows me to return to me, I allow others to journey on their own paths
  • Career: I am open to other people’s help and opinions, I am directed by signs and symbols, I release the need to control every aspect and know the Universe is working with me, my intentions are very clear for everything I do 
  • Finance: I understand money is an exchange of energy, I work on healing my money ‘story’, I am willing and accepting of all money that is coming my way, I am open to receiving money in different ways and not how I may have expected it in the past 

Journal prompts:

  • What areas of your life might you be in stage 3?
  • How could you introduce a daily practice of being a vessel each day?
  • What areas in your life are you more open to releasing control? How could this influence area in your life that you aren’t ready to release control as yet?
  • Why do you feel you need to be in control? 
  • How could you surrender for 5 minutes each day? How could you increase this each week? 

For kids: (from MY HAPPY BOOK)

  • Letter before I Sleep pg. 138
  • My Vision Board pg. 131
  • A successful me is pg. 84
  • The rainbow of trust pg. 72
  • A remembering heart pg. 89


Stage 4: life is happening as me. We are all connected, we are all one, we are all God (or whatever term you would like to refer to) within, we live in a state of bliss and love. See each other and situations as merely a reflection of yourself to heal, we aren’t separate, we aren’t fear but love. This is the highest state of consciousness and usually referred to as transcendence. Many mothers explain this feeling at the end of labour when they are holding their newborn. We see all living things as energy (water, trees, animals, plants) we all have a vibration, our thoughts create our Earthly experience. We are all one our paths but are a collective. A beautiful way to look at this stage for all aspects of life is, God/Universe/Source (whatever resonates with you) is the ocean, and we are all droplets of water in the ocean, all connected and together as part of something bigger than ourselves. 

Journal prompts:

  • What areas of your life might you be in stage 4?
  • When in your life have you ever experienced stage 4? 
  • What areas do you need to heal in yourself to allow you to enter this higher vibration? 
  • What do you think it would look like, feel like, be like? 
  • How do you feel when you are in the present? How could you be more in the present moment? What ritual could you create? 
  • How are others the same as you? 
  • Choose someone in your life or an aspect in your life that you feel disconnect from, now write as many things you have the same (even if it is a heart, leg, brain)

For kids: (from MY HAPPY BOOK)

  • Forgiveness pg. 95
  • Silence pg. 106
  • Self-Care Plan p. 122
  • Guided Meditation pg.128
  • Prime Time pg. 135

In life we go through different stages. In and out of each. 

In some areas of our life (Eg. Finance we might be a stage 3 but health we might be a stage 1, relationships stage 2 etc). The key is awareness, take an inventory of where you are at, for certain situations to help you achieve what your soul desires.

I want to remind you that these stages are not always linear and once you have arrived at stage 4 doesn’t mean the next day you will head back to stage 1. This is just a reminder to keep healing. The awareness and coming back to love is the most important aspect, how quickly you can do this, is key. Also, this isn’t a rating system if you are at stage 4 doesn’t mean you are better than anyone who is at stage 1 (that is ego), we are all on our own perfect journey and we all go about it in different ways. Like me, I was in stage 1 for relationships for most of my life, yet for finance and career was in stage 3 or 4. Use this as a tool, to help you and guide you to further healing. When we heal ourselves we heal others. When we lean into love, we receive more of it. I find this is a beautiful blueprint which helps and guides me to return to me in many situations. If you found this useful please share with another who might help them. If you would like to continue to allow your children to step into their own light, you can use My Happy Book as a guide and it can be purchased here

In love and light, 

Jo xx

love + grace

Jo xx

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