As a recovering people pleaser, I always thought the best way was to teach others how to be kind, be nice, effectivley how to change themselves so we all can have a better world. However, really that was just selfish. It wasn’t doing it consciously and my intentions were of good and not malice however the root cause of it was selfish because I didn’t want to live in a world that was unkind or rather people being unkind to me. So my ego set in and I tried to control the situation of the world. Wow what a task to place on one’s shoulders. But then during my healing journey I have realised it isn’t about healing others directly, it is firstly about healing ourselves.
The goal is to not change others or a situation, rather change our reaction so we can change our perception of the person and situation and then in turn change our experience. Therefore lean into loveJoanne Zammit
So let’s start with giving this to YOURSELF, then give it to your kids and then teach kids to give it to THEMSELVES. The moment I realised this, truly realised that I had the power within to cultivate it for myself rather than seeking it from others, I truly was free. And in turn, what a beautiful gift we can give to our children too.
The 5 A’s. How to do the work for you.
- Attention: We want to be heard and understood (pay attention to yourself and how you feel, react, respond). Reflection: how can you start to pay more attention to yourself today?
- Affection: We want to be loved and cared for. (Love yourself, make time for yourself, unconditionally put yourself first, show love to yourself and what this means to you). Reflection: What is one small promise you can make to yourself every single day and follow through with it?
- Appreciation: We want to be noticed for our unique and special qualities and abilities. (Celebrate your wins, find opportunities to strengthen your talents, use them in your career or day to day). Reflection: What are your strengths and talents? Do you use them daily? Do you use them in your career? How can you? If you don’t know what they are, start with a quiet meditation and after a few minutes of asking the intention of my strengths, journal or draw whatever comes to mind, done double guess it, go with it.
- Acceptance: We want to be accepted for who we are. (Accept yourself radically and unapologetically, without judgement, shame or guilt). Reflection: When did you last feel shame or guilt? What for? Is there a deeper meaning to this pain? When did you last judge someone else? What is this possibly telling you about yourself?
- Allowing: to be who are meant to be without judgement. (Be and do what makes your soul sing, please yourself before pleasing others). Reflection: Before you do something next (whether that is calling a friend, scrolling Instagram, having something to eat, ask yourself why are you doing this? Is it for you or someone or something else?
How to gently guide our children with the 5A’s.
It is really important to work on ourselves first and through us living our truth and living the 5A’s with ourselves we model to our children how to do it for themselves. But children need a little guidance and helping hand. So here is how you can do the 5A’s with your children using MY HAPPY BOOK: A self-development book for kids and their parents to unleash their gifts, passions and coping strategies for life!
These are just examples, however, if you truly spend the time working on YOU and then use the guides from MY HAPPY BOOK with your children so they can learn and therefore do this for themselves (and not be dependant on you which is key). You can cover the 5 A’s in the whole book, even try using it as a guide for yourself first.
Love and Light to you always