Healing and lessons doesn’t always look the same for everyone or even yourself, it changes from day to day. Healing doesn’t just occur with reading a book or having a session (whilst it definately can and has done for me) but I want to tell you how healing has been happening with me lately and how it is forever evolving.
I was having a conversation with my brother (we live in different states but we are very close and talk all the time). The conversation was frustrating me and annoying me. It felt like I was taking 5 steps backwards from my healing and said to my husband, I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster.
But then something beautiful happened. I stopped and wrote down the “triggers” that annoyed me with our conversation, nothing my brother did intentionally and there was absolutely no maliace and really had absolutely nothing to do with him at all. But I started to write in my journal and I uncovered two comforting things.
- Trauma isn’t just an “event”. Once I recognised my trigger I was trying to reflect back to a time when something happened. I recognised it wasn’t something that happened like my other trauma, but it was the “lack of” hearing something and as a child I filled in the blanks about myself which has fed the “unworthy and unlovable” narrative.
- Healing isn’t liner. As I was writing, Evie stood up and walked to me. She started to walk a few weeks ago, but then the last few days, she kept crawling or chose to not walk, but then today she just did. Healing is the same, just because I might not take steps forward doesn’t mean I was regressing, I was just building my confidence to get momentum.
I thanked my brother from the bottom of my heart for our conversation, whilst the context of the conversation had absolutely nothing to do with my healing, in the end, it had everything to do with it and contributed in a huge way.