It has nearly been 6 years since I lost my mum. But I’ve come to a place now where this doesn’t define me; rather it was part of my soul lesson, something that my soul had decided before coming into this incarnation in order for my soul to evolve. Don’t get me wrong I miss my mum with every heartbeat. I can’t wait until the day that we are reunited in the invisible world. But for now I meet her in meditation, when I see a butterfly that flies in front of me, with my children and whenever I need guidance she is always there. I know for myself and my children, whilst we would love her here, I see the gift for our souls, that she is in the invisible world because she can be with us and support us in every situation now, which she wouldn’t have been able to support us every moment of every day. I know I can call on her at any moment in time and so can my children and I am grateful for that.
I’ve learnt to realise that death doesn’t exist. Whilst the body may die, it is really is just the transition from the visible world to the invisible. This gives me comfort, releases my fears and empowers me that I truly can do anything, as long as I change my mind my thoughts I can perceive the world as blissfully as I desire. It took my mum passing away for me to truly understand this. I searched for happiness, how to breathe, how to live without her, numerous times after she passed away. I never thought I would be happy again. It was through this grief and trauma that allowed me to connect and return to who I truly am. Through shadow work, inner child healing, shredding of the ego and soul retrieval I truly have found peace. This is one of the biggest silver linings with her passing which I may not have gone to these deps if she was earthside so I now can see the gift in this lesson.
I speak of the loss of my mother, but what I’ve learnt is; grief and loss happens for everyone. It is just pain and the perception of suffering when really we all desire is love. This is something that all humans experience. It is up to you, and your own self responsibility to decide how you truly perceive any situation and relationship in your life. Don’t get me wrong there will always be pain but you don’t need to suffer. Grief and loss isn’t just for people that have lost their mothers, it is for anyone who has experienced any form of a setback or loss. Whether that is loss of a loved one, a marriage breakdown, a friendship, loss of a job or income or loss of identity. All it is, is pain.
Healing and perception is OUR RESPONSIBILITY. How we decide to view a situation and react. Remove the blame. Feel what you need to feel and decide how you want to feel moving forward. No one can do the work for you, love yourself enough to put yourself first. Anything you put before your own healing you will lose.
5 tips to help you through Mother’s Day or an occasion that could be triggered by grief or loss:
- BOUNDARIES. Love yourself enough to know what situations and relationships you can handle at this point in time in your healing journey. If that means not attending an event (e.g. Mother’s Day function or seeing a particular person on this day) because it will be too triggering for you, then that is ok. But ensure you communicate this honestly with other people involved so they can support you. Don’t attend if you don’t want to, if the trigger is too hard and stops you from healing, don’t do it. But just be mindful you recognise the difference between a “boundary” and a “barrier” (to avoid feeling pain and further healing). Boundaries are also important for who and what you surround yourself with, what and who you follow on social media, books you read, podcasts you listen to, conversations, relationships and television shows you watch. Be mindful they support your healing and not detract you from healing.
- FEEL. Don’t just let something go – this is spirituality and emotionally bypassing and the emotion and energy will stay in your body if you don’t feel it and experience it. Don’t have any shame or guilt with your feelings and do not judge yourself. If you suppress your emotions they will come back up in other situations and relationships.
- OBSERVE. Use this opportunity to heal. Once you have felt all you need to and released from your body (crying, exercise, dancing, drawing, journally) then use this opportunity to reflect on what is surfacing for you. I believe we all have soul assignments and before we come to earth with our soul group we decide the lessons we need to learn and set up certain situations so we can evolve our soul. So observe in stillness and quiet and return to you, little you, detaching from the ego and seeing what arises will show you the rainbows after the storm.
- SIGNS AND SYMBOLS. Ask for guidance every step of the way. Whether you believe in angels, spirit guides, God, Universe (whatever word resonates) ask them to support you and have an unwavering faith that they will guide you. Be specific and ask them to show you a sign within the next 24 hours that they are with you or if you are on the right track (or any question you may have). The Universe is communicating with you every second of the day, through conversations you have, music you hear, numbers on the clock – just be open to these messages. Make small daily promises to yourself. Self care strategies like deep breathing or meditation as soon as you wake up, sit in silence – this is where you will find the answers.
- HONOUR AND CELEBRATE YOURSELF – FIND THE JOY! I say this 6 years on and last year was the first year I could do this. I celebrated being a mother, the gift my mother gave to me. We find things to do that join us together like our mutual love of books, fashion and being in nature. Whilst I am being celebrated as a mother, I am also honouring me. This is a great way for your children to connect with your mother too. Find the joy and find what feels good during your grieving process, it is never about the end result, it is about the journey, so feel what you want to desire NOW and it will be manifested and attracted to you.
Sending you an abundance, light and love.
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